You often hear people talk about other people in the past tense about the impressions they have made. When I think about my first grade teacher, someone I have not seen in thirteen years, I remember she was extremely patient with all of the kids in the class, and made everyone feel special when she talked to them. I think about her positively and wish her all the best.
When I think about my second grade teachers assistant, I immediately think about the time I was dehydrated during recess and got really dizzy. I went to tell her and she snarked at me then told me I was being silly. I felt horribly woozy for the rest of the day because I didn't know to just drink water. That is the only memory I have of interacting with her but it stuck, and now I forever have a negative vibe towards her memory.
There are a couple of things I take from this example -
1. One bad impression/interaction can ruin a whole reputation -
My first grade teacher was consistently kind to me and because of it I just remember her as a good person, not any situation in particular. My second grade teacher's assistant and I had a neutral relationship but because of one bad situation, I remember her as the memory. I once heard that it takes 23 good impressions to make up for one bad impression. Why is it that we always remember the bad things so much clearer than the every day pleasant exchanges? It is like when you compliment someone they will be happy but forget it but when you criticize someone, that will stick so much harder and will bother them more than the compliment gave them joy. It is important to remember, not with just students or teachers, but with anyone you love to think before you speak and act because an angry exclamation or a lie, or act of deception can stay with someone for a long time. Take it from the book of James, "Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger".
2. You never know what random things people will take notice of and make judgments about you-
My first grade teacher was a young, quiet, innocent looking woman. She always wore long conservative skirts but every week we would sit on the floor around her stool for story time and one time when she crossed her legs, her skirt rose at the ankle and we all got a good look at a huge tattoo right above her ankle. That day, as a first grader, I wondered what kind of life my teacher had outside the classroom for her to have such a tattoo. She has no idea any of us saw that tattoo.
Now, the point is not to care about what every person is going to notice and judge about you and care , but to be aware of how you come off. You might not notice how you are seen from a third party view. Recognizing this can help you in your relationship, or nail a job interview, or be a better public speaker. At my internship with Make-A-Wish, they recorded up doing a mock interview, and when I watched that video, I was horrified. Who knew I looked at the ceiling when there were pauses in the conversation, or that I made that weird face when I was thinking!? It's the same as how some people aren't aware that they sound condescending when they speak, or that some people don't realize that when they chew with their mouth open at a lunch meeting, no one wants to sit next to them. A portion of people's life mysteries could be solved if they were more aware of themselves and what is going on around them.
I want to be remembered as a philanthropist with a big heart who accomplished many things. I don't want to be looked at as someone who wasted their life.
There are petty things I want to be remembered for as well - being pretty and fun, but they aren't as important as the big picture. I want people to say "She tried really hard and was very thoughtful. She was a good friend. She was someone to look up to. She loved God."
I'm not going to be seen this way if I keep losing my temper in arguments, or saying mean things I don't mean to my boyfriend in the heat of a fight. I'm not going to be seen this way if I can't learn to get rid of anger in a healthy way instead of bottling it up and then having what appears to be a random meltdown two weeks later.
We need to stop being selfish about what is happening in the present and be a little more invested in what will have happened in the past. The present will soon become permanently sealed in a past chapter of you life. These chapters all add up to make the book of the past. I am the author of my book and you are the author of yours. And you can't choose what is going to happen to you....I wish we could...but you can choose how you are going to react. If you lose your job, it might not have been your fault, and you might not be able to get it back, but you chose whether you want to let yourself get depressed about it and let your family down by turning into a couch potato, or whether you're going to be an activist, make the best of it, and try to find a new one. It won't be your families fault that you lost your job so why should they have to feel your disappointment about it? Act cheery because you want the people you love to be cheery. Don't dump your troubles on them.
I had a friend named Scott who unfortunately passed away this past year after fighting cancer. After going to his funeral, and since then hearing all of the wonderful things that came of his life, I knew I needed to think about some things realistically. Before Scott got cancer, only two years before his death, he had every intention of living a full healthy life. We really don't take seriously how precious life is or how quickly it could be taken away. It is extremely hard to realize this in the middle of a stress-induced breakdown, or when you're mad at someone for wronging you, but we weren't meant to be wasting time on those things. Unfortunately, I spend a lot of time focused on unimportant drama, or negative things like bad weather or an uneasy conversation. I hope to live to see my grandchildren out in the yard, running around playing with each other, but I might not. Scott is looked back on with such love, and positive words like "brave, strong, athlete, sincere, wise". I think those are exactly the words he would have wanted to be remember as. Scott touched a lot of people's lives. He is now honored at our high school and his college. He is being written about in a book, and has a foundation being started in honor of him. Everyone can agree his short life was put to good use. It is a blessing to have your name carried on even when you are gone, and to have it be used for something positive.
How are people going to remember me when I am gone? What will stick out? How can I act now to influence their thoughts? The future is filled with opportunities to make a memorable past.
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