Tomorrow vs. Today

I get ridiculously excited thinking about all of the opportunities I have to do whatever I want with the rest of my life. I spend a lot of time thinking about what I want to do with my time, researching different "paths of life" and pondering what it might be like down each one.

I'm a bit of a daydreamer. This is beneficial because my curiosity of what's out there has brought me knowledge (sometimes useful, sometimes not) on random topics, scholarship opportunities, careers I didn't know existed, acknowledgment of internship openings etc.

I like to make a lot of lists, waste time looking for job openings in non-profits near me even though i'm only halfway through college, and get excited about the future. The only con to this strive for future ambition is that I have to remind myself to stop living so much running towards the future and just enjoy every day in the moment. We spend so much time planning tomorrow and when tomorrow comes we don't enjoy it because there's another tomorrow that needs planning.

Today is an unrepeatable gift given to us by God that we should celebrate. 

I have been finding over the past month or so that the way I start my day determines whether I will be appreciative and eager to live for today or not. I keep a daily devotional by my bed and when I wake up and read my page for the day, I feel more peaceful, and not so much as if I am on my own because I am reminded that He is with us always. When I start my day and drink coffee, I am also much happier. I think I've developed a coffee addiction actually...I don't go a day without either coffee or those Starbucks Refreshers. When I wake up and lay in bed for a few minutes thinking about how lucky I am to get another chance to live another day, and how blessed I am and how I have to opportunity to make other people's lives better motivates me.

(Tangent: You don't even have to do community service to make someone else's life better. You can compliment someone you usually don't, or offer to do one of your coworkers copy jobs down the hall for them, or bring someone a cookie from the cafeteria, or just give someone a random hug. Today at Walmart I complimented a middle-aged woman's necklace and she smiled. I gave my roommate a random hug while she was getting ready for class. I played with my coworkers hair because I know she likes it.)

On a shallow note, I also find that if I make an effort to look good, I feel good, and then I am more able to focus on being positive, friendly and talkative.

You have to find a balance between the future and the present, tomorrow and today.

Licensed to Drive

In August of 2013, I undeniably sped much faster than I should have on a 35MPH back road. I received a speeding ticket from a motorcycle cop who had been hidden behind some large shrubbery and was clearly waiting to speed trap an innocent (maybe not so innocent) passerby.

The next day I left for college in Florida, and knew I was going to have to postpone my court date because I would be in Florida, not Georgia. The people I spoke to were generally useless and I ended up having to leave several messages with the judge until I reached her. We spoke on the phone and she agreed to let me skip court and just come in to pay the ticket off. It was going to be $385. This was a lot to me considering I was interning for free all summer with Make-A-Wish Georgia and my income was what I had been earning on the side in my free time.

I saved up and came back in December. I went into the room, waited my turn to pay and then went up to the little box office. Then I got lucky. The judge walks by and starts looking at some papers behind the woman I was talking to about paying my ticket. I said hello, and asked her if she remembered me. She said she did and we spoke for a minute then she lowered my fine down to $285! I was happy, and left.

Two weeks ago, 7 months after receiving the ticket, I got a letter stating that because of the ticket, I would have to surrender my drivers license. My whole world seemed very narrow all of the sudden. Without a license how would I get to summer school? How would I get a job? How would I travel back and forth between my mom and dads houses, or go to the gym, or see my brother, or see my friends or boyfriend? I'm embarrassed to say I had a "Everything is ruined" moment and the rest of my day was ruined.

My poor boyfriend tried to comfort me by saying he would drive me places, and come pick me up at my house if I wanted to hang out, which is very generous considering I live pretty far out (about thirty minutes from his house). My mom tried to comfort me by offering my brother up as a chauffeur (lol). My dad pushed me to try and fix the situation by contacting more people in the Court House.

It took me a bit to pull myself together but I sent the judge an e-mail and left a voicemail.

I didn't hear back for a full week even though each day I called back at least twice.

Day 10 came (the last day I could get the order appealed) and I locked myself in my room and told myself I wasn't coming out until I had this issue solved. I called the judges number about 50 times until finally she picked up. I was so surprised she actually answered it took me a second to get words out.

"Hi, my name is Stephanie, I sent you a e-mail about a week ago. I am not sure if you remember me..." I trailed off a second.
"Yes, actually I was just talking about you here in the office! I am not sure why your drivers license would have gotten suspended. Let me check on that for you - is there a number I can have to get back to you?"

My heart fluttered a little, hoping that this meant she was going to help make this all go away. I was just nervous about her not realizing how fast I had actually been going. I gave her my number and she gave me no indefinite time when anyone would get back to me.

I began pacing around, back and forth, my mind in a whirl of thoughts. I texted me mom, "Help, I'm pacing around like a mad woman." I wasn't until I was headed to Macroeconomics, literally about to enter the classroom when a 770 number called my phone. I jumped out of the way of the other students and turned back.

"Hello?"
"Hi, this is so-and-so, I was just calling to let you know that I have already contacted the DMV about your license suspension to have that changed and will send a letter to notify you that you are able to drive and will not have to surrender your license."

WHOOOOO "Best news of my life!!" I exclaimed. The guy on the phone laughed.
I can't believe that happened. He had gone on to tell me they had a processing error and I wasn't supposed to have had my license suspended. Pretty bad error to make on their part, but I did learn a couple of things from this -

1. Driving is a privilege....
I can't get pulled over a single time more until i'm 21. No speeding, no nothing.

2. Maybe your reaction to bad news shouldn't be to just meltdown because you never know if the problem is just going to go away and get fixed two weeks later. Now I have to look back and think, "I wasted a week of my life worrying and sulking over something I didn't even need to". I have to get more graceful about my problems and accept the comfort people try to give a little better when problems do happen. Sorry everyone.

3. You don't have to accept what the people tell you. If I had never questioned the letter that had been sent to me, I would still be under the impression that I cannot drive for the next six months.

4. Make connections. If I hadn't talked to the judge that day when I paid off my ticket, she wouldn't have looked at my case and lowered the fine. Then she wouldn't have remembered me when I called to get my suspension fixed and taken care of me. It's always good to be friendly, impressionable, and talk to people when you can.

So I am back in business, and I am looking forward to a positive, perfect-as-I-can-make-it summer! =]

10 Simple Joys

The 10 most simple things I can do for myself to bring me simply happiness 

1. A cup of coffee

Preferably bought because I make a terrible cup. Anything from a plain coffee to a venti iced vanilla chai tea latte with one shot of espresso 

2. Lighting a candle 

I'll light the fall scents like pumpkin pie and warm apple crisp all year round 

3. Put on fuzzy socks and a sweatshirt 

All you need is snuggles 

4. Hug somebody 

5. Read 

6. Eat Dinner 

7. Window Shop 

Or just buy something at Platos Closet...the shirts there are only $4.00 anyway.

8. Play with animals 

Georgia - Petland, Florida - Puppies, Puppies, Puppies 

Or theres my own two animals=] 

9. Volunteer 

More on that later 

10. Wine 

Hello Hyde Park

You'd think by now I would have scoped out everywhere within a 5 mile radius around campus and known about all the great spots. You'd think I would have tried a little harder to do this because of how much I actually didn't like being here last year and how much I wanted to transfer....but I guess when you are unhappy when you are you become even less motivated to try and make it better. The happier I become, the more willing I am to branch out into the city - try a new cafe, volunteer with a new non-profit, go to a new church.

The new place I went to was Hyde Park! For any fellow Georgians, imagine a place like Roswell Square, Marietta Square, or Old Woodstock. Imagine the best of all three of these on a warm, beautiful day where families have come with there dogs and an art festival was happening. The result is a lot of good energy, and a peaceful feeling like, "hey, maybe the world is really a good place". Lia and I went to go look at the "Chalk-Walk", an art viewing/competition where local artists had taken one of their art pieces and transcribed it onto the sidewalk with chalk. There were two streets of sidewalks full of these art pieces. They were all kinda of intricate varieties, like the two pictures I took below. They were both coincidentally of birds, probably because of the new appreciation I have for them after spending a weekend at the Florida Keys Wild Bird Conservation Center caring for them. 

We popped into a few shops after, including a designer dog

boutique where they sold things like plush bottles with labels

like "Dogs Equis" and "Bark-cardi" and fancy dog collars. 

We ended up eating lunch outside the cheesecake factory 

(Yes, I have a weakness for chain restaurants because they 

always seem familiar and comforting. Chilis, Longhorns, Outback, they are like old friends. Is that weird? I don't care. At least we sat outside in the sunshine!) I was feeling as peaceful as a wealthy woman who just spent 

a full week at the getaway spa. I was being positive, being easy going, and letting the day lead me instead of trying to direct the day. Of course tomorrow is Monday and I'm heading back into a world of schedules and deadlines and my job and mean people and a dent in my car and a suspended drivers license for a speeding ticket and worries of signing up for summer classes. I can only hope that my new desire to become a happier, more nostalgic, appreciative me sticks. I hope the stress of life finds it a little harder to bring me down this week. I hope the world sees me a little different than the person I was last week. A little positive change week by week can make a whole lot of difference in a year. Like Gretchen said in her book, "Why wait for something bad to happen to start rearranging your attitude and life? If you start now, you're already prepared when something bad happens". I can't let life crush me anymore. I am powerful and God is on my side.  

It might sound cheesy...

Tonight Sam and I followed the path of our own hunger to happiness. All we'd had that day was a sub-par meal from the cafeteria at 1 pm when the breakfast foods were still out but the iced coffee was no longer cold.

I had the spontaneous idea that we should cook Eggplant Parmesan, a southern dish I had only encountered twice before but found surprisingly delicious. This meal accommodated most of my favorite food requests - no beef, Italian, garlicky, and cheesy.

It might sound cheesy...but I love cheese. I'm so sorry if you're lactose intolerant or have cut cheese to cut calories. Cheese makes me happy. Cheese on sandwiches, on pizza, with wine, on crackers, or by itself in little cubes on a platter.

Anyway, we went online and found out the ingredients consisted of eggplants, olive oil, tomato sauce, flour, bread crumbs, garlic, eggs, basil leaves, fresh mozzarella and parmesan. We first sliced the eggplants long-ways and then made sure to squeeze the leftover moisture out. We then put the flour, garlic and breadcrumbs into one bowl, beaten eggs into another, and in a pan over medium heat, the olive oil. Slice by slice, we took the eggplant slices, dipped them into the breadcrumb mixture, then the egg, then laid them onto the frying pan until they turned light brown on both sides. After doing this to all of the eggplant slices, we got a pan and put sauce, the eggplant, and slices of mozzarella and parmesan down alternatively. We then cooked the dish for thirty minutes and then served hot.

Never underestimate the satisfaction of eating a dish that you cooked that turned out great because you diligently worked hard to make it! I don't cook often, but i'm not sure why because when I ate this dish that I had shopped for and then created, I was ecstatic. I just couldn't help but be proud of myself because it was actually really, really good! I was also extremely satisfied because I hadn't crappy food caved like I usually do. What I mean by this is that whenever I am very hungry, and am waiting for a good meal, but it is a little farther off than I'd like, I sneak food that is way less delicious and satisfying than the meal I am about the recieve, but am weak and eat other food anyways. I shouldn't do this because I half-fill up on the quick food (like a pop tart, or candy, or chips) and then miss out on the complete satisfaction on diving into the perfect meal.

We only ate half of the dish and put the other half away for tomorrow. What we did was very simple, and it made me simply very happy. I know not everyone has the time to play around with new dishes, but it's more about finding something small to concentrate on that will bring you joy. I could have planted a flower, colored a picture, read a chapter in a book, taken a hot bath, or gone to the movies and these things could have brought me the same happiness. Do little things to de-stress and make you happy. Sit outside for a while and study a palm tree. I did.

It might sound cheesy but not only do I feel more relaxed, but because I took the time to try something new and have fun doing it, I feel more connected to Sam. I feel more connected to myself.

One Open Day

I think it's funny how a lot of us complain about how busy we are, and how much we hate it, until we are actually granted a block of free time then don't know what to even do with ourselves. Should we lie in bed all day? Should we be productive and get the work done around the house?

Today is my free day and I began it by allowing myself to wake up without any alarm clock. I woke up at 11:15, later than normal, and felt great! Even over spring break I was setting an alarm and getting myself out the door. I then made a list of possible things that would make me happy to do over the day. This was wasn't made to be wasted, it was made to be enjoyed and lived to the fullest! I have one free Saturday with absolutely no obligations and that probably won't happen again until May 10th, the day after my final exams are over.

I started the day by taking an hour to strap on my bikini and lay out by the pool. It was about 75 degrees with no clouds, the perfect weather. Then Sam and I took a stroll around campus, stopping at the river which had been dyed green for St. Patricks day (the annual tradition). I hadn't even bothered to go look at it last year. There were boats in the water full of people, and even more by the waterline who had just come to look at the water.

Now it's about mid-day, almost 3:00p.m. and I am feeling like this day holds endless possibilities. I could do ANYTHING I want, but not everything, so it is time to choose wisely. What would I do if it were my last day? How would I act if it were? I think everyone needs to schedule an open day, about once a month. People like me are constantly making plans, and schedules and overbooking themselves so they never have the feeling of the possibility of open time. People like me are constantly looking into the future and thinking, the future will be good, and not enjoying what is happening now. Not today! Seize the day.

How will they remember you?

When I am confused about how I should be spending my time, or trying to decide how to act or what to do, I think "How do I want to look back on this, and how do I want to be viewed when people look back on the memory of me?" You would be surprised what people notice and what people remember.

You often hear people talk about other people in the past tense about the impressions they have made. When I think about my first grade teacher, someone I have not seen in thirteen years, I remember she was extremely patient with all of the kids in the class, and made everyone feel special when she talked to them. I think about her positively and wish her all the best. 

When I think about my second grade teachers assistant, I immediately think about the time I was dehydrated during recess and got really dizzy. I went to tell her and she snarked at me then told me I was being silly. I felt horribly woozy for the rest of the day because I didn't know to just drink water. That is the only memory I have of interacting with her but it stuck, and now I forever have a negative vibe towards her memory. 

There are a couple of things I take from this example - 

1. One bad impression/interaction can ruin a whole reputation - 

My first grade teacher was consistently kind to me and because of it I just remember her as a good person, not any situation in particular. My second grade teacher's assistant and I had a neutral relationship but because of one bad situation, I remember her as the memory. I once heard that it takes 23 good impressions to make up for one bad impression. Why is it that we always remember the bad things so much clearer than the every day pleasant exchanges? It is like when you compliment someone they will be happy but forget it but when you criticize someone, that will stick so much harder and will bother them more than the compliment gave them joy. It is important to remember, not with just students or teachers, but with anyone you love to think before you speak and act because an angry exclamation or a lie, or act of deception can stay with someone for a long time. Take it from the book of James, "Everyone must be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger". 

2. You never know what random things people will take notice of and make judgments about you- 

 My first grade teacher was a young, quiet, innocent looking woman. She always wore long conservative skirts but every week we would sit on the floor around her stool for story time and one time when she crossed her legs, her skirt rose at the ankle and we all got a good look at a huge tattoo right above her ankle. That day, as a first grader, I wondered what kind of life my teacher had outside the classroom for her to have such a tattoo. She has no idea any of us saw that tattoo. 

Now, the point is not to care about what every person is going to notice and judge about you and care , but to be aware of how you come off. You might not notice how you are seen from a third party view. Recognizing this can help you in your relationship, or nail a job interview, or be a better public speaker. At my internship with Make-A-Wish, they recorded up doing a mock interview, and when I watched that video, I was horrified. Who knew I looked at the ceiling when there were pauses in the conversation, or that I made that weird face when I was thinking!? It's the same as how some people aren't aware that they sound condescending when they speak, or that some people don't realize that when they chew with their mouth open at a lunch meeting, no one wants to sit next to them. A portion of people's life mysteries could be solved if they were more aware of themselves and what is going on around them. 

I want to be remembered as a philanthropist with a big heart who accomplished many things. I don't want to be looked at as someone who wasted their life. 

There are petty things I want to be remembered for as well - being pretty and fun, but they aren't as important as the big picture. I want people to say "She tried really hard and was very thoughtful. She was a good friend. She was someone to look up to. She loved God." 

I'm not going to be seen this way if I keep losing my temper in arguments, or saying mean things I don't mean to my boyfriend in the heat of a fight. I'm not going to be seen this way if I can't learn to get rid of anger in a healthy way instead of bottling it up and then having what appears to be a random meltdown two weeks later. 

We need to stop being selfish about what is happening in the present and be a little more invested in what will have happened in the past. The present will soon become permanently sealed in a past chapter of you life. These chapters all add up to make the book of the past.  I am the author of my book and you are the author of yours. And you can't choose what is going to happen to you....I wish we could...but you can choose how you are going to react. If you lose your job, it might not have been your fault, and you might not be able to get it back, but you chose whether you want to let yourself get depressed about it and let your family down by turning into a couch potato, or whether you're going to be an activist, make the best of it, and try to find a new one. It won't be your families fault that you lost your job so why should they have to feel your disappointment about it? Act cheery because you want the people you love to be cheery. Don't dump your troubles on them. 

I had a friend named Scott who unfortunately passed away this past year after fighting cancer. After going to his funeral, and since then hearing all of the wonderful things that came of his life, I knew I needed to think about some things realistically. Before Scott got cancer, only two years before his death, he had every intention of living a full healthy life. We really don't take seriously how precious life is or how quickly it could be taken away. It is extremely hard to realize this in the middle of a stress-induced breakdown, or when you're mad at someone for wronging you, but we weren't meant to be wasting time on those things. Unfortunately, I spend a lot of time focused on unimportant drama, or negative things like bad weather or an uneasy conversation. I hope to live to see my grandchildren out in the yard, running around playing with each other, but I might not. Scott is looked back on with such love, and positive words like "brave, strong, athlete, sincere, wise". I think those are exactly the words he would have wanted to be remember as. Scott touched a lot of people's lives. He is now honored at our high school and his college. He is being written about in a book, and has a foundation being started in honor of him. Everyone can agree his short life was put to good use. It is a blessing to have your name carried on even when you are gone, and to have it be used for something positive. 

How are people going to remember me when I am gone? What will stick out? How can I act now to influence their thoughts? The future is filled with opportunities to make a memorable past.